things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
