We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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