Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think a kid would responsible me up
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
