I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize