I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
