apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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