dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
