I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
