the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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