Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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