How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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