Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
