If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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