Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
