I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
