Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
