I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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