I can text with my tongue
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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