Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize