come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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