he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
