this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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