he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
