I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
