yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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