Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
