dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
