You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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