Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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