a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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