I seem to have left my pride at pride
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize