you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
