Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
