Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
home. puking in laundry basket.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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