are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
