You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
