I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
