if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
