She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
