He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
