i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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