first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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