I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I looked at my own cervix.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
