Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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