I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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