Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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