I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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