He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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