i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
