what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
