Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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