Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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