i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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