Sponge bath it is.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
