College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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