Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
