Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
where are my eyebrows?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
