Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
