So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
