Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
