I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
