I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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