Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
