Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
