can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
