I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
