I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
