I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
