mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
