she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
