brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
