i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
