Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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