He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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