is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
