Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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