I think i sorta joined a cult last night
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
