dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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